The Strange Case of Me and Myself
6 min read
Do you love the mask you put on every day?
Full disclosure, at the beginning of the pandemic, I was one of those people who was really frustrated with the masks. It definitely took some getting used to—remembering it before leaving the house, wearing it, not touching my face. But after a few weeks, I discovered that I began to enjoy the anonymity of it all. I could come and go as I pleased—no one stopped me to have a fifteen minute conversation while I was out running an errand, I didn’t really have to look at other people or have them look at me, to name a couple of perks. It was like having a secret identity.
How many of us have grown used to wearing our masks? Oh, I am no longer talking about the N95s, handkerchiefs, or hand-sewn ones we’ve grown accustomed to wearing over the past few months. I’m talking about the ones that we have woven and customized to fit the personas we have exhibited to the public throughout our years on earth.
You are the only human who truly knows the inner-workings of your heart. Other than God, who can read your mind? Who can translate the thoughts, worries, and cares that hide behind the big smile and sparkling eyes? You can fake a lot of things, but the truth of who you really are remains known to both you and God. The mask that I wear attempts to hide the side that is unlovely, spiteful, cantankerous—the side that still accompanies me where ever I go.
We often refer to someone who has quick changes in mood or temper as a “Jekyll and Hyde.” This reference comes from an 1886 novella by Robert Louis Stevenson called “The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.” (Side note: spoiler alerts ahead, but you’ve had 134 years to read this book, so… sorry not sorry.) The story centers around a man named Dr. Henry Jekyll. He grew up in a well-off family, well-connected, and refined. He had lived a generally “good” life— educated, distinguished, honorable. Even so, as the years went by, being the scientist that he was, he often reflected on things, chief of which was himself. He noticed that although he had lived his life in a way that was overall “favorable,” that there was still a constant, unbearable war within himself to either do the right or wrong thing.
He daydreamed of the possibility of housing both the good and evil sides of himself within two separate identities, so as to avoid this “unbearable war.” This would give the good side freedom to live life unburdened with the evil, but at the same time give the evil side free reign to live life in unrestrained rashness and pleasure without the limits of conscience or remorse.
Dr. Jekyll succeeded in creating a potion that he could drink to detach his two natures. And thus was birthed his alter ego, Mr. Hyde—pure evil to the point where his physique mirrored his insidious actions, materializing as ugliness and indescribable deformity. Jekyll would purposely turn into this maniac to fulfill his dark desires, and—because Hyde’s appearance was drastically different—without worry of consequence or responsibility.
Although Jekyll succeeded in isolating his evil side into the being of Hyde, his plan to create an alternate being who was 100% good failed. Therefore, all Jekyll did was create an outlet to solely exercise the worst in himself.
Long story short, Jekyll got to the point where he was intentionally choosing to become Hyde so often, that he no longer needed a potion to turn into him. He would be sitting peacefully in a park taking in nature and then *BAM*, he would transform into Hyde. He would open his eyes in the morning, and *BAM* he would awake as Hyde. After these instances, he would rush to consume the potion to turn himself back into Jekyll, but this would only alleviate the issue for a few hours, and he then would metamorphose back into Hyde.
He went from needing to drink a potion to become Hyde to needing to drink a potion just to become Jekyll again—and being him only temporarily.
The in-between details, as well as the ending I do not need to go into, but I definitely recommend the book (it’s a short read; I read it in a day with two toddlers yelling the whole time).
What’s important is recognizing the symbolism here. Mr. Hyde in this story was a mask of sorts. Dr. Jekyll believed that Hyde could be tamed. He used the person of Hyde as a disguise. Who would ever guess that it was the dignified Dr. Jekyll’s most inner, dark yearnings that were being carried out in the likeness of this monster?
Thankfully, we do not have the ability to personify our innermost, destructive desires into the likeness of a separate identity—a horrific beast. But nonetheless, we wear masks to cover up the ugliness that we would prefer others not know was there. While dealing with heartache or discontentment, we still grin and tell people, “Blessed,” when asked how we are. We have feelings of intense hatred and anger toward some without ever telling them, laughing and living side-by-side with people for years while still holding a grudge. We fulfill the lusts of our flesh to the nth degree behind closed doors, but feel compelled to maintain our Christian, professional, [FILL IN THE BLANK HERE] lifestyles in front of others.
If given the opportunity to act on these corrupt desires without any repercussion, would you? What happens when you think you can control your evil nature and possibly even use it to your advantage? Has the allowance of wrong-doing subtly changed you, until you looked back and didn’t even recognize who you had become? What about if others looked under the mask? What would they see? I’m asking myself these questions first and foremost, because this whole thing is about my own dichotomy, right?
The side of me that I keep under my mask is a part of me. It’s a part of me that I can neither completely tame in my own effort or get rid of as long as I am in my earthly body. Dr. Jekyll recognized it and wanted to isolate it to use it to his advantage. I, too, recognize it. Now what do I do with my discovery?
In a perfect world I would love to eliminate it. But since that does not seem possible on this side of heaven, who do I turn to? What power do I utilize when my own has been exposed as weakness?
In Galatians 5:16, Paul writes, “Walk in the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” Each hour is a battle. Each day is a battle. We have not been promised that the journey will be easy, but we have been promised a Person who will walk with us, guide us, and become power for us. The Holy Spirit.
I encourage each of us to bravely fight this battle, not grow weary of doing right, and remain steadfast until the day when we can cast off this other unwanted side, lift the mask, and walk in the light of the person who God created us to be.